Green Zebra is a tomato cultivar with characteristic dark green and yellow stripes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We had the annual fried green tomato festival where I live yesterday and since I am very fond of this iconic treat I went down to see and to wonder and to salivate and to socialize – - I do not socialize all that much – - I have been sort of hermit for a long time. But I made an exception for the green tomato festival.

The green tomato festival was situated on a street all to itself – - a street that is not used very much apparently – - There were all kinds of people there.  I saw fat people and skinny people – - short people and tall people – - old people and young people – - people of every ethnic and socio-economic background. I do love to do people-watching from time to time.

I could almost tell instantly that those who were in charge of the event must have been Republicans or some other kind of right winger because the fried green tomatoes cost $5 a shot and you got five skinny little slices in a paper board container.  I knew instinctively that if the affair had been graced with Liberal promoters the green tomatoes would have probably cost $3 and the slices would most likely have been a full half-inch thick like they are supposed to be instead of the almost transparent little things they actually were. – - – just kidding about the transparency folks!

But I can let some things go by the wayside because the things I got for my $5 did taste pretty good after all and the day was nice – - a little threatening because of a lot of clouds overhead – - but relatively nice anyway.

As I sat on a park bench near the river, down the street from the iconic old saloon – - the one on the historic register – - the saloon that managed to escape being carried away in the flood of 1913 – - the saloon run by the same right wing guy who also owns the local pizza shop and who built both the historic saloon and the pizza shop with his own bare hands without any help from anybody at all – - in true Rightie style – - with the single exception of a $200,000 small business loan from the gubmint – - but who talks about piddling details like that when you are so self-reliant? – - – As I sat on that park bench I couldn’t help but notice that most of the folks I was looking at didn’t seem to be all that much the worse for wear because of the “Obamaconomy” – - I thought to myself, “Most of these folks probably never even heard the word, “Sequester” because none of them look very much to me like they are experiencing any of it – - many of them seemed to be fatter than mud and that does not speak of near-starvation conditions to somebody like me who can afford $5 for a paper plate with a hint of fried green tomatoes on it.

I happened to spot someone I know as “John”  and his porker wife.  They are both Republican as one can get without developing a chronic case of diarrhea and of course – - the porker wife was astride her motorized little go-cart scooter thingy because even though there is probably nothing physically wrong with her I think she is simply too damned lazy to walk.

I see a lot of that kind of thing these days and some of these are real nuisances in the crowded aisles at the super markets.

Sometimes I feel like going over to some of these people and looking them in the face and proclaiming in a loud voice, “Arise! Take up your bed and walk!” – - but I don’t do it! – - I want to sometimes – - but I don’t! I think it would be funny as Hell – - but I do not know too many Right-Snots with a sense of humor – - and besides – - someone might take a notion to decide I am a threat and I might get shot or something.  We live in tenuous times.

But I know this particular piggy because when we have been out in a car on double dates a long time ago I discovered quick enough she is the kind who orders her husband to climb three flights of stairs to their apartment to get her favorite salad dressing because they are going out to a restaurant to eat.  I mean she won’t get up off that more than ample broadness to go get her own salad dressing – - she has to demand that someone else serve her!  Yup – - in my book a true example of the iconic Re-Puke-Li-Kan!

Turns out that John and Porky  reportedly managed to con the medics into certifying the poor soul wife as “disabled” – - feet, legs and back hurt because of being fatter than mud – - from stuffing too many of the good things – - things like pizza, apple pie, cotton candy at amusement parks – - and that dread gubmint programs of one kind or another helped to pay for the scooter.  I don’t know if that is entirely true but that is what I heard from a family member. But isn’t that how it works with some of the Right-Tards – - preach against the expensive gubmint entitlements and then go and make the most use of them for personal purposes as the law allows?

So after eating the Right Wing Fried Green Tomatoes I went over and purchased myself a “Hematite” bracelet.  I always wanted one and now I have it.  Us Libs sometimes do a little resource squandering of our own.

The band in the band shell was very good – - a group of elderly retired school teachers who specialized in retro music and who were very good indeed. I immediately wondered if they came from one of those states where the teacher unions have been dissolved or if they were playing music as a group in a bandstand in a predominantly Right Wing city just for the fun of it – - and not for the few extra bucks that appreciative  listeners might throw into that – - hat – - at the base of the band shell.

There was no gunfire and no one got shot and I thought that was a good thing.  I didn’t see a single “concealed” weapon being brandished at the green tomato festival and I didn’t hear a single conversation about self-defense, guns, gun control or any of that kind of stuff. So it occurred to me that if there were any people there with guns they had them pretty well stuck way up into places where the sun doesn’t ordinarily shine or they might have left them at home with the babysitter or the older kids.

All in all despite the overwhelming presence and odor of a lot of Righties – - a mix of expensive perfumes, cologne, food and flatulence – - I enjoyed the event and now if anybody at all is reading this blog post you are probably getting a good idea of how an eccentric old Lib bastard can politicize something as innocuous as a local celebration on a street in a city in the middle of a crippling sequester that doesn’t seem to me to be having one damned bit of effect on hardly anyone at all.

Can anyone say – - “Right Wing Fear Mongering?”

Posted by John Liming on June 9, 2013